Funny how my wife says shes at peace and is happier now and is happy with the path shes on… yet she feels she still needs to hide things from not only me, but the kids and even some of her friends. I also don’t quite get why she can get so angry with me… like literally we can be having a decent conversation, and somehow something is said that instantly lights her up and shes ripping into me like I just killed her dog. It is a total Jekyll and Hyde thing. I don’t ever recall her being so emotionally volatile… she has always been the measured one in the relationship… which makes me think things aren’t so good in her world… and it kills me to think that I can’t help her or protect her. Because of these crazy mood swings and the strange behavior towards me, the boys and some friends, I keep telling myself that this is not her, and that something must be wrong… no sane person would willingly act this way.
I have been doing a lot of reading and research on “mid-life crisis” and “how to save your marriage” over the last year and have come across so many different ideas and methods that all say is a sure fire way to get your spouse back. Honestly, I think most are full of crap. But there are a few that I cam across that, to me anyway, made sense of at least what is going on… not necessarily how to get my wife back. For me, having an idea of what is going on has brought me back from the FIGURATIVE cliff many times. The first site I came across that made sense was Husband Help Haven, http://husbandhelphaven.com/
I wish I had found this one earlier, but I didn’t… oh well… move on.
This one made sense to me because I could see some patterns that I was doing that led to where we are. Now, I am in no way saying I was 100% responsible for my wife leaving and hooking up with another man… but what I am saying is that I started seeing what I was doing wrong which opened the door for this POS to move in and for her to make the poor decisions shes been making.
There are a lot of good articles there and I am in no way telling you to purchase anything that is offered on that site. I am saying read the articles and other free resources. Like I said, I wish I had found it sooner… it may or may not have made a difference… I like to think it may have… but I beat myself up a lot when it comes to the situation I’m in now.
One of the things I got from this site was that I needed to accept the things that I can change about me, accept that I can do nothing regarding her, and that I MUST be the rock and safe place for my boys.
I’m doing pretty good at the first, hit and miss on the second, and I AM NAILING the third. Out of all of this, there have been a few things that I can say have led me to do better. I am a much better dad because she did this. I am more engaged with them in their schooling and in life in general. We do more together now, and I am NOT the Disneyland dad. I just don’t have the $$. But we do what we can, and we have fun in each others company. We go hiking, go into the city, go to the beach, go to old historical sites… Every time I have them we do something. So I am glad for that.
I’ll get more into the boys later, but suffice it to say, they do see me as the rock in their life, and they know they are safe and stable with me. And I am proud of that.