Helping hands

I just got off the phone with a friend who went through what I and many others are or have already gone through… an affair.  For me, it started with my wife getting involved in an emotional affair, though I didn’t recognize it at the time.  Before it turned physical, as far as I know anyway, my wife declared us separated… like that made it OK!?  It only took her another 9 months to file for divorce, but that is another post for another time.  Anywho… this friend, we’ll call her BB, went through the same thing I’m going through.  Her husband had an emotional affair which then turned into a full blown physical affair.  He left his wife, got an apartment, and was making plans to divorce BB and move to another state with his AP.  The main difference between her situation and mine, is that her husband went to marriage counseling where my wife refused… but there are so many other similarities that I use her as a sounding board for whats going on between my wife and me.

She is one of those people, much like most of the people I’ve been in contact with here, that is supportive without judgement.  Sometimes all I need is someone to say it’s OK that you feel this way… It’s OK that you want to save your marriage…  You’re not wasting your time holding onto hope to save your marriage and your family….  Even if it doesn’t work out, you did what you could…  It’s not a waste of time…  The 15 yrs you were together wasn’t a waste of time…  Hold onto hope…  Have faith…  Don’t give up yet.

When I am in my dark space and the voices of negativity and despair won’t shut up, I write it down here, or I call BB or another friend, who happens to be a pastor, who helps me understand what faith and hope really are.  Though my pastor friend “K” has suggested that I have a right to divorce my wife because of the infidelity, she supports me and prays for me to have the strength to endure these trials and for my wife to open her heart to me again and open herself up to working out what went wrong in our marriage and save it and our family.  I would like to ask the same of you if you feel so inclined.



1 thought on “Helping hands”

  1. Staying together only works if both parties are willing to forgive, both parties never bring up the past, and both parties are willing to work on the relationship. This is not clinical advice, but my opinion based on a failed marriage and a pretty successful one.

    Liked by 1 person

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